I mean- not exactly- I will turn 53 in 2 months , so actually it’s 52.10 and writing in my diary- on a daily basis.
For my peace of mind, that’s what for.
It started out as an innocent journal of daily sleep+ workouts+ spendings , and after a few days became my go-to when upset or stressed.
Or in need of somewhere to “scream” foul words of various kinds.
Not proud of it- but it happens, judge if you want, I don’t care. when I get upset I am not a pleasant person- and that is the understatement of the universe- and better the diary take my choice of curses than actual people.
You would think that age would calm me down or something.
Well, it didn’t , nor being an early retiree.
I already told you, that in my opinion- if you have unresolved issues with yourself (or with anyone else close to you for that matter), retiring will not magically take care of that.
Sure-one major stressor won’t be there anymore-but you- and your thoughts- kind of tend to stick around even when you say “so long suckers!” at your farewell party.
So I deal with it.
Nothing else to do.
I find that exercising, listening to music. cleaning. cooking and gardening help, a lot, but from time to time- the noise, the dirt, the fact that things aren’t done the way I want them – it adds up.
And when they do- I write everything in my diary.
not only the bad language, also what got me upset, the root of the problem as I see it.
The mere act of sitting down to write calms me down, taking everything out on paper makes it even more bearable, and by the time I finish writing -I can many times call it a day.
But many times not- and that’s OK too.
The thing is- I like to look back at my entries and reflect on what upset me a month, 6 months, or a year ago, and try to learn from it.
Learn that many times what seems like the end of the world, is actually not that horrible in retrospect, learn that I still have a problem with X or Y, so it must be time to address it properly, since it’s not taking care of itself, evidently, and generally reflect on my wellbeing through the years.
Some people may have an extraordinary memory and see clearly things that happened to them a few years ago, I ‘m not one of those.
On the contrary. many times I delete unnecessary information from my memory-or store it in the subconscious- if you ask Freud, and when I want to reflect- it becomes tricky -since I can’t recall the nuances.
But as I told you- I write every day, half a page only- (I read somewhere that Herman Melville, when writing “Moby Dick” wrote only a page a day, but kept writing- even if he had nothing to write-sort of a mind exercise).
As soon as I wake up I write how many hours of sleep I got, and describe the overall quality of my sleep, if I had notable dreams – I write then down too, then I write what kind of exercise I did, and the quality of it , what I did that day (otherwise I might thing I am a total lazy disgrace) , then I write how much money I spent- if I spent any- I do have a bank app, and I use it frequently-but writing down the expense and the reason behind it helps get things in order-and helps me become more accountable.
Many times I find myself writing self encouragement phrases , or tacky Hallmark quotes -they seem to cheer me up- even if it happens because I laugh at myself for writing them down.
I think by now you can probably see that I have this illusion that putting things in order will keep my world from falling apart .
By the way- many times it does, so don’t be too quick to dismiss this, plus- What can be more fun than writing about yourselves?
Try it- you might actually like it.