I know, I’m a grown up.
I’m 52 to be exact.
That’s a fully grown up.
Actually , soon I might be entering the “growing down ” phase, that’s how much of grown up I am.
I resent any kind of criticism -about me or my kids.
Not other people- don’t be funny now.
Criticizing other people is a hobby of mine.
I am not proud of myself, don’t get me wrong.
Quite the opposite.
I tell myself that this trait is a direct result of my upbringing.
Growing up, I was constantly compared to others- grades, popularity (……..whereas grades were easy to get- friends? well, told you already, introvert….though not knowing what an introvert even meant back then , I preferred going to the library by myself over any other social activity, especially those horrible parties. wow-looking back I can’t help but to feel sorry for young me, unaware of the fact that it is absolutely OK not to follow everything other people do, especially if it involves slow dancing wayyyyyy too close to a 5th grader to the sounds of “I am a woman in love” (B.Streisand +The Bee Gees, wait , sorry- only Barry and robin)).
Any way- the thing was- every grade I got- I was interrogated exactly what grades my friends got, then only was it considered a hit or a miss.
In my (highly unprofessional) mind, this left me with a need to feel superior to others, and, needless to say- a very judgmental caricature.
Oh, and that thing too-
That feeling of tremendous hurt and shame, every time I am criticized by anyone. about anything.
The thing is, I rarely get criticized.
Not because I am perfect-although this absolutely sensible to gather that-
But because I believe it a part of the social contract-to hide your true opinions and criticism, and save it for behind the person’s back gossip events.
Even when I worked, in a public office, I was very rarely criticized by my bosses.
Again- because bosses are taught to criticize “constructively”, plus -during 27 of my 28 years of hard work- I worked really hard, and did a good job I think.
Not outstanding, not brilliant, but definitely a good one, even a very good one, compared to others. (sure- why neglect an old horrid hobby ? sure I compared myself to others).
While on the subject of constructive criticism:
To be absolutely honest- I can’t stand that either.
Once I became “somewhat of A Boss” (don’t get all excited- the system provides names and titles like there is no tomorrow , so everyone, no matter his/her skills and contribution to team effort, can have a chance of being a “somebody”.it keeps the machine working, keeps people at their highest level of performance all the time- because they are told that if they excel- they will be promoted to junior boss/mini boss/almost boss/nearest to boss-and one fine day- they might even become the actual Boss )-
Anyway- once I became somewhat of A boss, they taught all of us “somewhat bosses” the proper way to criticize workers:
Just in case you haven’t heard that before- it is called “the sandwich method”, because you hide the harsh filling ( and, of course-feeling), between 2 layers of undeniably nice and tasty compliments .
When you need to criticize a worker , don’t just go over to him and tell him rught off in front of everybody, or even alone in your office.
This- according to management courses is a total faut pas:
Instead, you should call the about to be criticized worker to your office, and start the conversation with a general compliment:”you are an important part of this team mate!” etc.
Only then- you can say :”this is exactly why I regretted seeing your somewhat decreasing results last month” etc.
Then- when your workers face has sunk to ground level- you put the other lovely tasting plain piece of white bread- AKA the final compliment:”I think highly of you, and so does management” (other bosses-even bigger than your boss), “so I know you will get your act together in no time!”.
Now- I am a sucker for compliments as much as anyone (whoever tells you he is immunized to compliments, simply hasn’t heard the right way to compliment yet), but- as much as I like compliments- they are severely tainted when accompannied with that bitter tasting criticism hiding in the middle of the sandwich.
All I’m saying is-
Just keep gossiping and criticizing me behind my back.
I’ts totally ok.
I have no urge to know everything.
Knowledge is not power.
My back can handle criticizm.
My face- can’t.