A few years ago, I went to Barcelona with my long (long) time friend.
I love her, she’s funny, intelligent and I like listening to her insights.
So, we were waiting to board, and she was looking around (you see, one of the reasons I like her is that she enjoys the horrid game of judging people as much as I do), then she said in contempt:” my god, all those people hurrying to the duty free shop as if shopping was banned in their destination.people are so shallow, I tell you!”
I smiled, and said nothing of the 4 stuffed duty free packages she just laid on the floor next to her, containing “bare necessities” as she discalimed a few minutes before.
When we returned, I told my partner about this amusing incident ( in my opinion), when he looked at me and said:
“you do realize we are all guilty of having double standards ?”
“Say what??-no way- not me- I can spot hypocrisy from a mile!”
“Emmmm……you sure about that?“
“ok- what about your constant ranting about people who litter and put on loud music with little to no respect for their neighbors?“
“What about that?”
“You do realize that letting our beloved dog run leash free is kind of doing the same thing?“
“How is that the same? he loved running with us, it was part of his identity, and everybody knows a dog can’t really enjoy his run if he’s tied up!”
“And what about your constant rant about the need to look for truth , your dislike of false mannerisms, of the social contract that claims people compliment each other on various things they know are complete lies? “
“What about that? I stand behind it 100%!”
“Fine- but how does that go along with your complete and utter inability to hear any criticism about yourself or the kids?”
(Silence- that last one was really below the belt- since not only is that absolutely true- in itself it was, well- criticizing- and as stated above- I can’t stand to be criticized…)
“That’s not fair- as it happens- all 3 kids are objectively fabulous so any criticism would simply be BS!”
“OK, but what about yourself?”
(He really doesn’t let me off the hook easily)
“Well………..it’s because of how I grew up…I was always compared to other people, I felt I could never be enough just as I am…“
“Well, maybe other people were raised the same way and have their issues with truth? maybe most people don’t want to deal with the absolute truth of their existence every minute of every day, hence the social contract of false compliments and phony conduct?”
I can tell you I was really upset after this conversation, but- it did make me think.
I though about my habit of judging superstitious beliefs, when in fact- every time someone says something good about any of my kids, I quickly knock on the nearest table as if my life was at stake…
I consider myself a frugal beast and keep preaching about it in this blog on the one hand-
But go to Guatemala, Thailand, India- “to learn about different cultures “-sure- and yet- those were pricy trips non the less..
And while on the subject of going abroad- all of my recycling and vegan frugal conduct- isn’t my carbon footprint -considering those plane trips abroad-the same as every-bodies?
To be honest- I have many more examples, but I don’t need to bore you (or so I tell myself).
Discovering my self deluding double standards wasn’t easy- I can tell you that.
In the long run-
Maybe it will help ease that righteous rage I feel when judging other people.