We live in a fairly small home.
117 square meters. we have a nice big garden that we had no intention of destroying in order to build more rooms so we can accumulate more stuff.
We have 3 children we raised for most of their lives in this small house. 2 of them are now grown-ups – my eldest has a partner and a home of her own, and the other one is traveling now and has other plans than coming back home to live with us.
Which is great in my opinion.
I know many young people move back home after college in order to save some money , and I personally think this is a very bad idea.
Before you start screaming that I am an egoistic b**** that doesn’t care about her kids and their difficulties-I believe that is not the case.
I care deeply for my kids, and make a great effort to save money that will help them get education and a good start on a home.
However- I also believe that a grown child should try to live on his/her own-for their sake- for their parent’s sake-and for the relationship between them and their parent’s sake.
I believe that once they are grown and have left home for college /university, going back home is a regression, and I generally don’t favour regression in life.
On the other hand’ dealing with the difficulties of living on their own- both mentally and financially is a very important life skill that they must develop if they ever want to live apart from their parents.
It is one thing if this regression is imposed on you- then buckle up and get your act together to deal with the situation, but the wish to save some money at the expense of your parents is -in my opinion- a cognitive decision and not a force major.
Other than financial skills- I think once a child grows up and develops some kind of freedom from his parents-having to go back home however free minded and non-demanding his parents may be- old patterns sneak back, can’t avoid them. you have built a relationship for so many years in which there is a very clear distinction between “parents”- and “children” in which the parents are responsible for their childrens wellbeing-food-clothing-education- and the children are expected to respect the house rules . when leaving home for the first time- this distiction didn’t actually change- so once going back home after college-the family is retreating to the old situation- from chores to cleaning the young adult’s room…
This is not a very liberating situation for someone who has already felt the sweet smell of freedom from house rules and the need (totally unnecessary to him/her) to clean their room. having to bring friends -and romantic dates-to your parents house- is awkward to say the least. again- this is my own opinion- and I respect frugal reasons very much but there is a limit to frugality in my opinion- and I draw the line where freedom (or lack of) is involved.
From the parent’s side I can say that I couldn’t wait for my son to get on the plane before I confiscated his room (here is the post explaining why and how :The second birthday present I gave myself. (part 2)
Raising my kids was- and is- a very rewarding and enriching experience, I love them dearly and deeply, but a parent that tells you it wasn’t difficult is either lying or a total saint- or a true hippie parent- I am none of those three .
I believe many parents find themselves waiting for the peace and quiet of a children-free house after long years of having to be responsible and available for them and cleaning after and maintaining a larger family- teenagers are known to be food monsters and dirty creatures that always have time for their friends but seldom take out the trash- even if this is their only house chore…
(Ok that was harsh and unjust . I know. my oldest child wasn’t anything like that. but my second one was-is , and I must tell you that from talking to other parents I hear this is the situation at their house too).
I am aware there is a syndrome specific for parents that find it difficult to let go of their grown up children leaving home- (empty nest anyone?) but sorry- not here.
ok so how did I upgrade my toilet room? (I know there is no real connection between the subjects unless anyone is going to be really mean here.. )
As you can see this is a very small- you might call it minimalistic- toilet room. nothing fancy, of course.
I asked my partner to hang a wooden shelf and he used a piece of wood he had in his shed, I took some candles I got a long time ago, washed them up (yes with soap and hot water -does a great job cleaning them) , spread some smooth pebbles I had in my garden, a vase full of flowers I picked (read here how I get my flowers every friday: Why I bring myself flowers every friday (and how I do it frugally!) added a spray bottle full of water +a few drops of dr bronner’s tea tree castile soap (great smell and a great natural cleaner- very expensive but little does go a long way with this stuff!) and voila.
No need to neglect this room and stuff it with newspapers or cleaning supplies. every one who uses the bathroom sprinkles that soap-scented water -it cleans the toilet handles and keeps the room smelling nice and fresh.
told you-(almost) zero cost.
enjoy- the cooliflower.