I am not a medical/health/emotional/financial /nutrition or any other kind of expert as far as it concerns the contents of this blog, therefore anything written on the blog is not to be taken as any kind of advice, and should you choose to rely on anything I write on this blog- you are doing it at your own risk and at your own responsibility.
Having enough Money =having freedom.
Having enough Money =having power.
Having enough money means having the freedom to decide what your life is going to look like and the power to make a change when you no longer enjoy the way you are leading your life.
This is true not only for changing careers, but also for staying with a partner that not only do you no longer have anything in common with, but you feel that staying with is causing you actual harm-be it emotional or physical.
*Please remember I am not an expert on these subjects and consult someone who is- before doing anything rash. this is my disclaimer.
I believe anyone-man or woman – should have the option to decide whether his or her life is good for them and changing that requires money.
Not a lot of money, but access to money nonetheless.
This is only possible if you have separate accounts -no hard feelings dear spouse of every one of you- even once married or living with a partner.
now this is how we do it in our household: and I know it is much easier when you and your partner earn or bring home the same amount of money. I shall try to suggest a variation for when this is not the situation.
How does this work?
when you and your partner bring home more or less the same amount of money-you divide the housekeeping bills so that each of you pays -in total- the same amount of money. for example if you pay for electricity -water-and wifi a sum of 400$ a month than your partner should pay the same amount for other bills concerning both of you- such as house bills -groceries, etc.
this division method does not include paying for things that are a matter of personal choice – such as toiletries, apparel, sport-related stuff, education-related payments, and restaurants or ordering in( if you do this kind of thing).
all of the latter mentioned expenses are a matter of “to each his own”.
I am a frugal person whereas my partner is not. this means he buys all kinds of stuff – mainly jeans (he has about 30 pairs of Levi’s) and electronic gadgets. If our accounts were joint there would be endless fighting about this- and none now. he can do whatever he pleases with his money and so can i. this means I save around 70-75% of my income and I have a feeling that he- on the other hand, doesn’t even know how much money he has.
Some couples are on the same page monetary speaking. that’s great, I truly envy them- but we are not, and this doesn’t make me love and respect my partner any less. I wish he was more mindful of money, I wish he were frugal like me, vegan like me, and an environmentalist like me.
But he isn’t, so no use to try to “convert” him.
I am a big believer in personal choice – even when the choices made are not similar to mine.
what about the 2 other options to consider- If you bring home more money -significantly- then your partner/ he brings more than you?
I believe the answer is complicated and depends on many variables-such as is it a short-term situation- such as -you just had a baby and decided to take longer maternity leave, or one of you is between jobs or studying towards a degree or other educational step that will increase his/her earning ability? or maybe this is going to be a permanent difference- you or your partner have a specific skill that allows you/him to earn a significant amount of money.
If this is a short-term situation I believe this is something you and your partner should discuss -and try to reach an understanding. maybe the partner that earns more will cover the other side’s house-related bills for that short period of time or any other arrangement you reach in mutual consent.
But what if this difference in salaries is not going to change in the foreseeable future?
I think that this again- is a matter of a mutual decision made by the two of you- but please bear in mind that if you are the side that earns less then you need to find a source of income that at least allows you to have minimal financial independence, and try to adopt a state of mind that doesn’t take your partner’s larger income for granted.
Relying on your partner to supply all your needs might be a real threat for the short-term, but hazardous for the long-term.
hazardous for your wellbeing-as an independent person it is imperative that you don’t find yourself asking your partner for permission to take out money -and in the worst-case situation you need to be in a constant place of freedom to decide whether or not you wish to stay with this partner.
this could also be hazardous for your relationship- differences in views about money and consumerism may lead to unnecessary quarrels when one side has the power over money.
I believe a key component in a good partnership is both sides understanding that it is not duty/lack of financial strength that keeps you together. you are choosing each other every morning all over again. every day. and although you have the power and the ability to leave- you decide not to because you love and respect your partner.